1400 River Road is a Twin Peaks blog with interpretations, observations, and theories concerning the original series and Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me.
This author is not claiming to know how Sheryl Lee stands or her views. I mean only to share snippets of interviews I've found over the years along with observations and personal opinions.
Far too few acknowledge what Sheryl Lee endured while portraying Laura Palmer in the film Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me.
At 24, Sheryl Lee was only a few years older than her character, Laura Palmer, without vast experience in film or television, when she faced the monumental task of carrying a theatrical film for a world-renowned director. From my understanding, Ms. Lee had only appeared in a few minor productions, including a short film and high school plays, prior to being cast in Twin Peaks. According to Sheryl Lee, she came to the pilot thinking she would work for only a few days. She claimed that before being cast, she never envisioned acting beyond the theatre.
While filming her scene as The Good Witch in Wild at Heart, David Lynch asked her to return to Twin Peaks as Laura Palmer's cousin, Maddy Ferguson. Being a relative unknown, she was thrust into the media frenzy surrounding Twin Peaks. The series finale aired on June 10th, 1991, with principal photography for Fire Walk With Me beginning within two months, showing just how little time lapsed between the two projects.
Lee, from all accounts, seems to have totally surrendered herself to the role of Laura Palmer. From a diary entry she reportedly wrote, "I will never forget how, the week after we finished, I suddenly became aware that my thoughts were my own again. My mind and my life had been completely occupied by you. You came to me morning, noon, and night—especially night."
In an interview made during filming, Sheryl Lee shared that many of her dreams were Laura's and they were dark, involving death, indicating the depth with which she delved into her character's psyche.
In the book Your Laura Disappeared, director of photography Ron Garcia told author Scott Ryan,
(of the train car murder) "I was really worried about Sheryl at the end of that day of shooting. It was a really long day. I think we changed the schedule after this scene, because she went out there into that shadow side of herself, and it affected me, because I lived with her on the set and watched her be in that torment all the time. I was really concerned about her. But not while I was shooting; it was after the filming that I was hoping she was OK... much later. Because it was like post-traumatic syndrome. She went out there and it was crazy; that came from deep inside her."
Laura, Laura, Laura A ghost of me, you are For one who did not want to live You are never very far
As a soul lost deep in trouble You gave my art a name But if I did it all again I might not do it
Quite the same Pulled down from heavens’ ethers You arrived to share my life I instilled your death with purpose
Before you left me with your knife I take it out from time to time Run my fingers down the smooth blade Is my destiny the same as yours Or do I Just Simply Fade?
My dear, sweet Laura My doorway into death Alive and yet not living In this play I am your guest
I offered my whole self In honor of your life And in exchange Was tricked quite well When you rewrote my rights
Fair, you say Do I not agree? Your fame After all Did rub off on me
It’s not what I wanted though Had I known I just longed for a place And a space Of my own
But you, my friend Had different plans for my life You stepped in out of nowhere And won’t leave others’ sight
I sit alone now On this journey of ours Caught somewhere between My earth And your stars
—Sheryl Lee, 2012.
While writing this, Sherilyn Fenn shared a post on Instagram on this topic.
Never have & never will watch Fire Walk With Me because of the price my friend paid to do the film. That simply means, in all my life - the level to which we commit to something has a price. Acting is not "pretending", it is diving deep inside to reveal ones human struggle/truth etc.
At the Seattle Crypticon, Sheryl Lee spoke of her dislike of seeing scenes shared out of context.
The moment starts at 37:35
From the Q&A:
Audience Member: "Is there ever anything out there that you see of yourselves that you take issue with or applaud? I've always been curious about that."
Sheryl Lee: "Well, I think in terms of it inspring other artists to explore their own creativity, that I love. I love seeing what people - 'cause I feel like it's not mine. I just happened to be there at that point. The story met me, my life force. Laura's life force met my life force at the right moment, and we share that journey, but it's not something that is mine. So when people come and show me, oh, I did this or that, I love seeing that. Well, first off, the fans of Twin Peaks, you guys are so creative and artistic yourselves, and I love hearing your ideas and seeing what you've come up with. The only thing I've ever seen that I take issue with is when I see actual stills taken out of context from the film, in maybe not a PG-rated moment."
Audience Member: "That's exactly what I was getting at. The stories of both of you and the depth of character and the way that you're portrayed in the show, especially Laura's story, is a tragic story of abuse, and she does take some power back in her sexuality and tries to use it herself, but she's objectified and abused. (Sheryl nods) And when I see that in the world, I think, you're missing the point.
Sherilyn Fenn: That's kind of existential. I mean, that's, you know, women being objectified, that's not Twin Peaks.
Sheryl Lee: "Yeah, and when you take something like that, you sit and watch the whole show, or you watch the whole film, and it's so multidimensional and multi-layered, it's all put together as a story. To me, artistically, it feels very different than if say, a frame is pulled from the scene in the bar. We all know what scene I'm talking about, which I've seen a lot is one of those frames pulled out. To me, and it's not because it's me, it's because I think we have to stop exploiting women and young girls, and it's something that I feel very strongly about. So that's the only thing that I've seen that I -- if you're seeing it in the context of a moving image and a story and all these different layers, it's very different than just taking that frame out of context."
Not only has Ms. Lee faced the long-term physical and mental trials of being Laura Palmer, but for nearly 40 years she's been kind enough to listen to all who confide in her at conventions, screenings, and other Twin Peaks events. Having witnessed her interactions with fans and having spoken to her three times over the past 13 years, I can write firsthand that she gives so much of herself and deeply sympathizes with those who share their pain. More than once, I have read where people compare her to white light, and that is what she is: a healing, caring presence.
There is one image taken during the filming of Fire Walk With Me, which I am hesitant to share it because it is difficult to see; Ms. Lee is so raw and open in her pain. (Below.) Her eyes look so lost. I don't know how this image can be shared casually or used as a meme, as I've seen.
This is just one moment. Sheryl Lee endured hours in this state and beyond. As is usual with filming, she would be required to do take after take, with her giving all. As already written on this blog, the death scene was originally much longer and apparently so graphic that the president of the Cannes film festival objected to its violence. It was shortened in the finished cut of the film. How dark was this scene that Ron Garcia feared for Lee as she accepted her character's descent? What was shown? Steven Miller of Twin Peaks Blog discovered that Laura was suspended above the ground. Ray Wise confirmed my belief that Leland stabbed himself as a form of hara-kiri suicide. Though I can't remember if it was Wise, Lee, or Frank Silva, I seem to remember hearing or reading where someone said there was more of BOB and Leland's fading in and out of one another. I feel there must have been much more, for if we remember the season two premiere, Ronette's memories of Laura before her death show Laura utterly changed. Very dark and a lost being. It's almost shocking to witness. Perhaps Lynch asked Lee to seek such darkness again. It feels like a waste for her to sacrifice so much and go so far for it never to be seen.
Beyond this, there is another aspect regarding the filming of Fire Walk With Me that I feel needs to be more widely known, which involves another level of discomfort Sheryl Lee experienced in that she was required to appear partially nude. Please know that I am not attacking David Lynch. I am not a prude or anti-feminist. I believe how Sheryl Lee feels needs to be irrevocably defined in the fandom. Many feel her participants act the same as an endorsement. Her pain should be known.
In an interview with the Drama Queens podcast, Ms. Lee, in response to her hosts' questions, spoke about her lack of experience while working on the original series of Twin Peaks. One of the hosts, Hilarie Burton, apparently drawing a connection between Ms. Lee's naivety and her own at the same age, mentioned how Ms. Lee strongly dissuaded her from taking a role that required nudity.
Sheryl Lee:"I had no idea what I was in for. I had no film experience. No television experience. No experience being in front of the public eye. [...] The only bubble that I had was just that I didn't know anything. Nothing. Totally inexperienced. I had no idea."
Hilarie Burton: "You saved my ass because, when we were doing, I want to say it's maybe even the next episode - it's when Elle is moved in with Peyton. I was up for a job where there was mandatory nudity, and you had your son at the time [...] and we talked about your kid so much, that when I was up for this job, that when I was like, "I'm up for this job, but they really want me to be naked in it", and you were just like, "don't do it." You were like, you're going to have to talk to him about it one day, your son. And at the time, I was years away from having kids. And I was just like, "Oh God, I never thought about that. Like I never thought about the people in my future I'd have to have these conversations with." And it really changed the way I made decisions, the way I prioritize jobs. And it made me reconsider which jobs were artsy, cause, you know, there was kind of this schtick with women where they'd be like, "well, if you're a real artist... you'll do all the things we want you to do." And you called bullshit on it for me at a very young age, and made me feel empowered to say like, "I don't know. Sounds like a low-budget movie to me. You guys go f*** yourselves."
Sheryl Lee: I learned that one the hard way. I didn't have anyone tell me to think about that. And also, a lot of the jobs I did, I didn't feel like there was a choice. It was like, if you want to work as an actor or actress, this is what you do. Within that there are parameters of what the audience sees is what you said yes to not what you said no to. So, um, yeah. I would do a lot of things different if I could go back in time.
Hilarie Burton: So like, even in that era, it was still really normal to not have a choice, you know, if you wanted to do a show on HBO or cable, we all were presented with that. That was part of the contract, if you want to do a big girl show, you've got to, you know, bare all, and you were so protective of us, even in the midst of all of that, when it was still really, really prevalent.
The interview can be viewed here:
Images from the Mauve Zone. Notice how objectified she is in photos promoting the story of a teenage survivor of incest.
The Pink Room scene is difficult to watch, not only because Laura is so young, but because Sheryl Lee was as well. Though I'm hesitant to admit it, I will be honest. I have never liked the Pink Room/Power and the Glory scene. As time has passed, it seems to upset me more. I feel that no matter how you look at it, the nudity we see may be of a 24-year-old woman, but she's portraying a 17-year-old girl, and it is highly uncomfortable for me to watch. In my mind, it seems difficult to defend it for that reason. She is being preyed upon by adult men. I don't want to witness her disrobe in front of them and engage in sexual activity.
During a Q&A I attended, Sheryl Lee said, "That character, whether or not she was sexual, is considered, legally, a child. I had that awareness then, but now that awareness is super, super sharp. And I saw also what playing a character like that at the beginning of my career did to my career. I saw what happened. I saw what scripts were sent to me after that character."
Some have argued with me that the nudity was necessary because it allowed Donna to see her friend's secret life. Yes, it did, but this moment lasts for only a few seconds before the drug Donna was given at Laura's behest goes into effect. Donna can barely remember the night the next day. Also, I believe Donna being a part of Laura's dark side conflicts with what we knew in the series and Secret Diary. It gives us cause to question why Donna never told the police or even James or Maddy about Laura's life as a sex worker. In fact, in the series, when Audrey suggests Laura may have worked at One-Eyed Jack's, Donna says it would make sense, as if she hadn't considered her friend in such a role beforehand. Having Donna accompany Laura to the Pink Room/Power and the Glory only complicates matters.
In a quote from the June, 1997 Premiere Magazine, Sheryl Lee states that she started doing nudity only because she didn't want to turn down the lead in Fire Walk With Me. After that, she recalls, "Every script I read had a nude scene. I realized, if you want to act, you'd better learn how to do this."
From Courtenay Stallings's Laura's Ghost,
Stallings:FWWM has a lot of incredibly intense scenes. What was a difficult scene for you to shoot?
Lee: The bar scene. That was hard because even though I'm acting, I was still a young girl in reality, feeling vulnerable and exposed because of the nudity. [...] at that time, Laura is appearing very comfortable with sexuality. No matter what I, Sheryl the actress, is going through, I have to set that aside to make sure that the character can come through.
When interviews were made at the time of the film's release, a sentiment Lee repeated was that she (Laura) would no longer be a secret. At the 1992 Twin Peaks fest, she said, "I don't think I'm going to be very mysterious anymore after you see this movie. That's about all I'm going to say about it. Thank you." She didn't say Laura, she meant herself.
While filming The Blood Oranges, another quote from Premiere Magazine has her say, "There are times when I come back from the set and the first thing I want to do is take a shower, rub my skin raw. The other night, I washed my hair three times. Even in the best situations, it stills feels violating."
In the documentary Body Parts: Sex on Screen, Ms. Lee said, "My first tendency is to almost go numb to it because it's too intense, and yet, if I do, that then I'm not present and I'm not doing the best work as an actor can do."
While filming Fire Walk With Me, Sheryl Lee had the following conversation with an interviewer Peter Robertson:
PR: There's sex and violence in the movie. How aware are you of that, is it quite bad?
SL: There's no sex and violence in this movie (laughs).
PR: Your nose has just grown six inches.
SL: Gee. Yeah, there's a lot. There's quite a bit. It was something for me, that I had to really think about before I worked on this film and decide why it was necessary to the script, what was necessary to the script. None of David's films are just about sex and violence. You know? None of them are. If you look at what's out there now, there are a lot of films that are just about sex and violence. I will not be a part of those films. I don't want anything to do with them. I wish they were not even made anymore.
PR: How did you feel about doing sex scenes, nude scenes -whatever. Are you quite comfortable doing that or did it take a lot of nerve?
SL: No. I am completely and totally uncomfortable with it. To me love and sex - sexuality is the most sacred part of somebodies life. It's completely sacred. It's the most personal, vulnerable part of anybody. And to have to do it with somebody that you don't even know, even kiss them, somebody that you don't know - and then have to see it and know that thousands of people are seeing it is horrifying to me. Absolutely horrifying. I don't know how we do it. I really don't.
PR: So how did you do it? You just close your eyes and get on with it?
SL: Yeah. I mean, it just comes down to this is not my life. This is her life, and this is part of my job. It's what I'm here to do.
In an interview for the film Bliss, the feelings Sheryl Lee describes, of not wanting to be in her body, remind me of the dissociation some feel associated with SA.
Sheryl Lee: No matter what they try to do to make it feel like a private space, it never is a private space. It's awkward: Here you are with most of your clothes off in bed with this person who you've really just met. You're strangers to each other's bodies and you're coming together for the first time in front of all these people."
Q. How do you work through that?
A. For me, it's two things. One is the tendency to want to leave my body immediately -- to sort of watch it from the ceiling -- so that I don't have to be there. But in order to act it you have to be present, you have to open your heart: So there are these two forces that kind of happen at the same time.
Further on in the same interview,
Q. Do you enjoy playing nude scenes?
A. I hate it. It's really hard. But I'm attracted to roles where I get to really go in and explore a character. I'm interested in that journey and that's the thing that keeps me in this business. Getting asked to play Astrid in "Back Beat," for example, was for me a phenomenal honor and creatively such a joy and so fulfilling. I'm not going to pass on that job just because there were a couple of nude scenes. The more successful I become, hopefully the more I'll be able to say, "This is what I will do and this is what I won't do."
In other words, she was at their mercy. She wanted to break away from the requirement.
It's strange that in order for a woman to be allowed to "really go in and explore a character" she most often must be nude. In comparison how many male actors are asked to bare all under the same circumstances? Aside from classic Hollywood stars, I have seen every actress I admire nude. Not the same with my favorite male actors. Something - a towel, undergarments - always covers them. Yet their characters are explored.
In an example of a"nudity rider" document, as shared by the Hollywood Reporter, an actors nudity is not to be shared in trailers or advertising. They even go so far to say, "The productions agrees to pursue and demand removal of any unauthorized third party distribution of the simulated sex scene (including without limitation, any websites posting images and/or other materials from the picture that include the simulated sex scene." I wish this had been in effect at the time Ms. Lee filmed some of her earlier roles. Sheryl's nudity from Fire Walk With Me alone was in trailers, posters, and is often shared online. Though Ms. Lee was not nude, clips from the scene where BOB is revealed to have been possessed by her father were shown in commercials and trailers out of context and needlessly. Something else of interest in the Nudity Rider is that if an actor approves of a script, a simulated sex scene cannot be changed without the actor's written consent. I don't know the circumstances behind the scenes of Fire Walk With Me, but I will note that the scene between James and Laura at school stated that Laura was wearing only a towel, but contained no mention of nudity.
Though I can't access it at the moment because I cannot remember the steps, there is an easter egg, on a Fire Walk With Me Blu-Ray that contains an interview with Deepak Nayar wherein he relays a story about a $5 bet he had with David Lynch regarding completing a certain amount of work within a time frame. This included forcing Sheryl Lee to make wardrobe changes in the middle of the street. Her only privacy was provided by a group of men creating a circle around her, in which she could change. All so that a bet could be won.
Joel Siegel said in a review that 90% of the film Fire Walk With Me contained nudity, language, and graphic violence - a gross exaggeration that conveys how focused people of the time were on such matters. I feel their views also helped shape Sheryl Lee's career, a woman who was to be forever intwined and undifferentiated from her role.
A tabloid from the year 2003 ran a headline stating that an actress was a former porn star for having appeared in The Red Shoe Diaries, a series in which Ms. Lee guest starred. The tabloid was published ten years after Fire Walk With Me was filmed, yet they saw the guesting role as career damaging.
When Sheryl Lee held a conversation at the North Bend theater in 2024, she discussed how she's set aside biographies of women she'd like to portray, but as the years have passed she's realized many roles she hoped to embody are beyond her now as she's older than the historical figures she admired. Ms. Lee has spoke about hopes for such roles as long as she's been interviewed. In the Drama Queens podcast, she said she'd like to be in a fantasy film. I've heard she'd like to be in period pieces and a comedy. It's not as though her dreams cannot be realized, but with her talent, they should have been made a reality years ago. I feel she's a victim of power and of prejudice. A woman whose career was not allowed to flourish because of misogyny.
I hope that we can be blessed to see her in a role of her dreams.
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